Far too many people pursue control first of all. Control isn’t inherently bad – it’s needed in varying levels needed in many areas of dog ownership and training. But, when it is our focus, then that is what spills into other areas of life. Because our approach to problems is more control. We try to figure out how to add control to eliminate what went wrong. We control more of what our dog does, we try to control the people and dogs around us to try to facilitate success or bring the results that we want. We apply more pressure as we strive for that control. We put more pressure on our dog, we put more pressure on others. We focus on the negative.

And it can bring a certain measure of success.

Pressure can be useful, but it’s most effective in limited amounts. If you apply it constantly through control, then you burn your dog out and drive people away,

But when we look beyond the box of control, we can relax and release the pressure. We try to figure out the why and work on it from that angle. We focus on the journey first rather than the end result. We take into account our dog’s state of mind, their comfort level, their preferences. We build the relationship first, then move on to skills. We want our dog to be confident, comfortable and engaged rather than perfect. We may use the pressure on occasion, but it’s to bring out the best, not to control.

When we pursue relationship and respect with our dogs, it also spills over into other areas of our lives. Including our own lives. We like how it feels and we *want* more. We approach others with respect. We look to build relationships instead of wanting to control. We command more respect for ourselves in the best way rather than demanding compliance or else.

And then we have the confidence to walk away from situations where people do not demonstrate respect. I mean, if I wouldn’t let someone treat my dog that way, why would I let them treat me that way?